Today is... excuse me.. WAS going to be my four month anniversary with Jimmy. Wow, four months. Can you imagine if we had made it? If last week was erased and everything was okay again, I would be celebrating my commitment to Jimmy right now, which lasted one-third of a year. One-third of a year..

Well, the reasons that reflect why today is...WAS supposed to be special are lost to this destiny.. this cruel twist of fate that I now live in, which I believe was never meant to be... but happened anyway.

Good day people, to you this is just any other day.

Today I'm torn whether I should be celebrating or mourning. I've become quite good at depression, so I assume today will be a day of blank expression from myself, while I struggle on the inside to decide what to feel.

Heh.. guess what?

...

Yeah, I was so upset, I tore out "November 1st" out of my school planner/calander thing.

Not only that...

I tore out every other 1st of the month from my planner/calander.

I can't help feeling slightly ashamed.. yet, I brought it on myself. I will remain strong. I will build an unbreakable shield around myself to prevent pain from entering my soul again.

I've promised myself I'm going to stay single for a while

and..

I'm never going to open my heart to someone by telling them I "Love" them until I'm engaged. Yeah, so unless you believe you're going to be my future husband someday, don't tell me you love me more than just a friend.

Please?

I'm begging you. Can't you see I've taken more than I can bear? Can't you see that by saying those three little words you can make me believe you actually mean them? Don't lie to me.. in a few months the truth will become evident, and I'll see you for who you really are, whether good or bad.

I'll see you for who you really are even if...