I'm suffering from writer's block with my Humanities assignment, so I decided to take a break and write about something I'll never have trouble writing about..=)

I feel like for the past couple of weeks I was lost in a tangled forest of briars that pricked thorns into my side. It was only until last week did I manage to climb myself out of it's darkness. Three weeks ago I was sick, but it was bearable. The pain of lonliness was as clear as glass shards that cut myself whenever I tried to throw them away. Haha, don't worry about me now. Nothing could be better. I've found my way back into the warmth of happiness =). Everything feels as if it were put back into place and what was once in disarray has been perfected. Today I looked into the mirror and actually smiled at my reflection. For once I was pleased with myself. Do you realize how hard that was? I hate looking at myself and I'm sure every other teenager does as well. When I gaze at my appearance I can't help but feel like I'll never be good enough. Today, one of those rare moments occured when I smiled and was happy for who I am =).

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping with Christine and Jasmine. I wasn't going to buy anything, I was just looking for gift ideas for people, most particularly Jimmy. I didn't see much and what I did see I couldn't afford, heh ^_^". We went into Agaci, which is like a smaller Charlotte Russe. Christine actually tried on something =O. I was bored, so I tried on a.. "snug" black glittery halter top O=). It was so gorgeous. It looks like something you would wear to go clubbing in.. not that I would know or anything.. lol, I haven't been clubbing, not YET anyway ;) =P. After Christine bought her $6 pants, we wandered around various stores. We went to Charlotte Russe sometime later and I tried on this biege lace-y dress. Pretty =). It was about knee-length, sleeveless and V-necked. If only I had the money.. $59 =.

On our way to church, my mom told me my grandfather called her because he was worried about me. Turns out that my uncle and/or cousin BLABBED to my grandfather about something and they stretched it WAY out of proportion. He started scolded my mother and trying to lecture her on how to be a better parent because of some exaggeration my uncle told him. Argh, that pisses me off so much. My mom has enough stress and she doesn't need my grandfather yelling at her. My mom went on to tell me how someone close to her has practically ruined her life. That same person made my mom lose her marriage with my father, lose her job with TI, and lose her faith and self esteem in herself. Damnit, this person is such a fucking negative bitch and she only causes my mom pain, frustration, and stress. My mom might still have a job and she might have been married to my father now if this person hadn't interfered. My mom said that when she and my father were seperated, this person advised my mom to change the locks on her door to keep my dad from coming back. My mom was reluctant to do this. She only wanted to work things out and she had the patience to do so, but she wanted to listen to this bitch because she trusted her. My mom says that everything that happened between her and my father that caused their seperation was a misunderstanding. Instead of dosing the anger between them, the rage and hurt my dad felt from being locked out of his own home caused their argument to blaze into an even greater inferno, as both of their stubborn, hot tempers kept them from working things through. All I can say is that this person cost me my parent's marriage. Thanks to this person I grew up in a family torn in two..

I try not to think about it now. What's done is done and buried deeply into the past. It frustrates me how greatly one person affected the futures of my family. It makes me wonder what could have been. I guess I'll never know..

Eventhough I am angry at this person, I'm still in a good mood. I'm happy, in an angry sort of way. I feel honored that my mom shared with me what she did. I'm sure it was hard to open up all her frustrations. I just wanted to hug her and make all the pain this person has caused and is STILL causing go away..